PROJECT BIGFOOT: PETERSON

CLASSIFIED

For decades, the American public has been told that Sasquatch is a myth. A campfire story. A blurry mistake. A guy in a gorilla suit.

That is categorically false.

Sasquatch is real. And he currently resides in Rancho Cucamonga, California under the assumed human identity of Mike Peterson.

Subject Overview

Original Name: Sasquatch (classification: Unknown Hominid)
Current Alias: Mike Peterson
Height: “6’2” (official), “WAY taller” (unofficial)
Occupation: “Consulting” (no further details provided)
Distinguishing Traits: Excessive body hair, avoids full moons, owns 47 hoodies

The Relocation

In 1997, following increased satellite coverage and the invention of higher-resolution camcorders, Sasquatch made a critical decision: Disappear into suburbia.

Why Rancho Cucamonga?

Large distribution centers (easy to blend in)
Minimal cryptid surveillance
Everyone already knows “a weird Mike”

Behavioral Notes

Neighbors report that Mike:

Only shops for groceries at night
Buys bananas in industrial quantities
Claims he “doesn’t do photos”
Has never been seen wearing sandals

One witness stated: “He shakes hands like he’s not used to hands.”

The Cover-Up

Major newspapers refuse to investigate. Local news stations suddenly “lose interest.” Search results quietly bury eyewitness accounts beneath listicles and ads.

Coincidence? Or coordinated suppression by ████████?

Ask yourself this: When was the last time you saw Mike Peterson and Sasquatch in the same room?

DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH